Giving Thanks

As I was sitting here thinking about how to start this blog and everyone I want to thank - it started sounding more like an Emmy award winning Thank you speech instead of a simple Thank you letter for my loved ones. I am editing as I go, so bear with me. (Is that the correct form of "bear"?)

It's Thanksgiving Eve. That means I get to start torturing everyone with Christmas songs, movies, cartoons, decorations etc. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I think for some time, I lost the meaning of the Holidays. This year, however, I have been humbled. By John getting laid off and us having to scrape by. I am realizing that the true meaning of the Holiday season IS Family and most importantly LOVE!

If there is one thing about me that I want people to remember when I'm gone - It's the amount of love that I carry in my heart. For everyone, even those who are no longer a part of my everyday life.

So with that, I just want to say thank you. Thank you to God who has made this life possible, and continues to bless me on a daily basis. To those who have stood by me through the good and bad. To those who have loved me as much as I love them. To those who have taught me something - even if it's a new joke or a pretty quote, it's something new I wouldn't have without you. To anyone who has been a part of my life - Past, present or future - Thank you for being you.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Friends? How many of us have them?

I have started this blog over about 10 times. I keep trying to edit what I say, as to not offend anyone. I finally stopped and told myself. There is no way to say what I want to say without hurting someones feelings - So, I put on my big girl panties, got myself some chocolate and a drink and sat down to write this blog. I just hope that everyone realizes that this is just me venting and I am not speaking of just one in particular person. (short version? Don't assume this blog is about you) 

Over the last few years, I have had major ups and downs with so many different people. Some who know me inside and out. Some who I trust with all my heart and soul. I pour every ounce of me into these friendships. I think maybe, sometimes I can love too much. If that is even possible? I don't know what it is I do, but I always find a way to push people away. 

The definition of friend is as follows:

friend

  

(Noun)

A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

So this means; someone you care about? Someone you love? Someone you like? 

Then why is it, that I never see or hear from any of my friends? My phone used to go off the hook with text messages, picture mail, emails, IM's, FB comments/status updates, twitter etc. I would have play dates and lunch. An occasional dinner or girls night. Not anymore. I wish someone would tell me why. Is it because I have two kids? Yea, maybe. Is it because people always ASSUME I am busy? More than likely. Is it because I don't talk to them much anymore, so they assume I don't want to hang out? DING DING!

I struggle to keep in contact with people from my past. I miss them, I love them. I want to hear about their day, I want to know how their kids are doing. I want to know simply, how their day was. So what do I do about it?

I send out a text - nothing.

I email them - nothing. 

I IM them - nothing.

I comment on a picture - nothing. 

I stop for a minute and ask myself, why am I friends with this person? If I have to FIGHT for an ounce of their attention, is it even a friendship? Why do I have to sit and cry because I feel rejected? Is it fair that I feel empty and lonely? 

I understand that people get busy. Shit, I am busy all the time, but 99% of the time - if someone texts me - I answer it. If someone emails me - I write them back. I will admit I am awful with responding to IM's, but the good thing is that it sends it as a message to me in FB and I always answer emails. I always try to respond to every picture comment/status comment - whatever it is. I am not, by any means, saying I am a better friend than anyone. I know I have my faults - but I have worked really hard to become the person I am today.

No one really knows the struggles I went through before and after I was diganosed with Bipolar disorder - but then again, no one really asked about it. 

I am seconds away from deleting my social media sites on numerous occasions, but it is not fair to those who ARE true to me. To those who DO put an effort into friendships. 


Anyway, I have hit the point in my blog where its nothing but rambling nonsense. So here is what I ask of you - What do you want from me? What can I do to make myself a better friend? Is our time as friends over? Should we just let go and move on? (I will be letting go of a few soon and some people might be surprised when they see the list when i'm done with it.)


On that note - I am off to bed to pray for my family. Thank you to those of you who were there for me today. Although I didn't speak of the troubles, you all respected my wishes and didn't ask what was going on. Just that you would pray. I appreciate that more than you will ever know.

Religion, Politics & Opinions...Oh my!

Unless you live under a rock, you are aware of the debt issue in America. It is stressing out my family beyond belief, but does anyone know that? NOPE! Why not? Because I choose NOT to push my beliefs on any other living being. That includes my children, husband, best friends, acquaintances, even the damn dog.

I believe in God and try to live my life with a strong sense of pride in my religion. Does anyone know how strong my love for MY God is? Nope! Why not? Again, I choose NOT to push my beliefs on anyone.

Recently there have been a lot of religious and political posts on FB and another forum that I follow. I don't mind them at all, until it directly effects me. Until someone says something that causes them to not only make themselves look like a jackass, but makes me look bad as well. You don't always know who is reading your posts on an open forum or social media site, but you should always be careful to not offend.

Then again, this IS America, the land of the "free" So go ahead and say what you want to say. Call me a bible beater for believing in God, assume that I'm an idiot for watching reality TV, or a baby killer because I am ProChoice. There are a lot of things about me that only my closest friends and family know. Things that one might be surprised to learn, and just because I am your "friend" on FB or wherever else, doesn't mean I actually agree with you. I am just not one to argue and FORCE my opinion on anyone. No matter how wrong I think they are, they have their own opinion, just as I do. I choose to not voice my opinion in public places. There are a million and one sites out there where you can vent your opinion with people who are like-minded.

I guess my point here is this; Have a little respect when you are arguing with someone. Think about what you say before you say it. Remember that there is no harm in a little debate, there is just no point in taking it further than that. Friendships do not need to be questioned because of difference in religious or political views. That is what makes us who we are. I have a lot of friends who do not believe in God, who are strong republicans, who have no opinion at all on either side - and I am okay with that. I love them for who they are, not for what or who they believe in or who they vote for. Life is too short to judge.

With that, I would like to post something here that I normally would not. I just think everyone needs a little comic relief once and awhile - and I feel as though Fran Lebowitz has done the best job of explaining the debt crisis in her recent interview with Jimmy Fallon. So Enjoy:


www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/blogs/2011/07/fran-lebowitz-sheds-light-on-politics-football/

Like A Fine Wine....

I only get better with Age! ;) This is a true statement. I think, every year, everyone reflects on the year behind them. They realize how much has changed and how different they have become in just one short year. Sometimes its for the better, sometimes for the worse. I can truly, honestly say that this year has been nothing but wonderful for me.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mom told me "your 20's are hard.. you are trying to find yourself. Your 30's are wonderful, because you get to enjoy yourself" - and ya know what? She was right, as always!

Now don't get me wrong, there were plenty of downs that went along with this year. I do feel as though the downs helped me become the strong woman you see today. As I got further away from 29 and closer to 31, I started to see the light. I seeked help when I needed it. I admitted to failure. I stood strong and proud when I felt I did something right. I stood my ground and weeded out all the negativity. I bowed out gracefully when I lost. I begged for forgiveness and understanding. I became more understanding and less judgemental. I found God again, and then I became me.

Who am I? An oversensitive housewife. A mom of two beautiful children, who are so smart and insane at the same time! A loving daughter to the craziest set of parents I have ever seen. The niece to one of the greatest aunts that has walked this planet. The wife of an underpaid, overworked veteran of the US Army, who I have ALWAYS been proud of and loved wholeheartedly. The true best friend to the greatest listener on the planet. A friend to anyone in their time of need. The owner of the stupidest, most loving dog you will ever know. The lady who seems to have spoiled children, but really is just not "sweatin' the small stuff." ..and many many more things, because, I. Am. Me!

Happy 31st Birthday Krissi... and here is to many many more!

Suffering from Bipolar??

...No, I don't consider it "Suffering" - I consider it "Living with Bipolar."

There are so many people who bitch and moan that they have a mental disease. They use it as a crutch to act like an idiot and/or crazy. I have chosen to take the high road. I talk about it openly, I am NOT ashamed to say that I have a chemical imbalance. I have had a many, many ups and downs over the last year or so, but I have a wonderful doctor who has been very supportive and helped me every step of the way. Not to mention my amazing family & friends. I cant imagine how my life would be without the support of my circle of trust.

Within the last week I have had to have my meds increased due to my anxiety flying high. I was proud of myself for admitting that I was having "manic" moments and went into the doctor right away. He gave me a shot to calm my nerves (Since I was scratching myself so bad I almost drew blood) I started my new meds and I can already feel a difference.

I want to thank those of you who have stood by my side through EVERYTHING. I will forever be grateful for the friendships that I have built over the last few years. For those of you who have been a victim of my attacks, I sincerely apologize for possibly hurting your feelings or making you feel as if you are not important to me, because you are! Everyone in my life will always hold a special place in my heart. <3

~K

Another Baby??

No, no way in hell!! I know a lot of you were thinking that was our "big news", but you are far from close!!

Actually, I just wanted to take a moment and update everyone on the lives of the McDuffies. Over the last couple years there have been a ton of changes around here. We are on a path to finding ourselves. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder as well as a few other issues. I have had a series of ups and downs (which explains the deletion of some people and readding) I am finally on meds that work for me and I feel "normal" again. John has been by my side every step of the way and I am so proud to say that I feel as though the manic ups/downs have almost completely ended.

Now onto John, which is the biggest news of all. We have both had a lot of stress put on us since he took this new job with the University. Things changed almost instantly there. He went from a job that he loved and took pride in, to a job that wore him down mentally. He was turning into someone that was not familiar to me or our family. So this week, after a very intense meeting with his supervisor.. he told me he just cant do it anymore. We went over our finances and before any big moves were made, he found out he could take a job temporarily with my dad at the cemetery. So, as of Friday, John is no longer employeed by the University of Colorado. This is a huge change for our family as John will be working 12 hour days 6 days a week. We will be making less than we were before, but we are thankful that we will not be without a paycheck at all.

One last note, many of you have asked about the police positions that John has applied for. As of right now, Golden & Boulder have chosen not to move John on with the application process. He will continue pursuing his dream of becoming a police officer and when the time is right, it will happen.

John and I would like to take a minute to thank everyone who has been by our side and who continue to support us. Without the love and support of our family and friends we would be lost.

Much love to you all and God Bless you.

The McDuffie's